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This Gift List is Trying Not to Suck

I'm not sure who normally goes about making Gift Idea Lists. But apparently if you're buying for the lady of your life, you may select from soap, makeup, or chunky sweaters. If you're looking for a gift for a lad, you can get whiskey rocks, grill shit, or chunky sweaters, but manly. Which if those gifts appeal to you, love that. But if you're like me and don't want any of that, this is a gift idea list doing its best to not suck.


Disclaimer I'm legally obligated to put here: I may earn commission from items linked here. If you want to get any of these, please use my links so Daddy Bezos has to share his yacht & space penis money with me.


Am I shamelessly linking my own book at the top of my own gift list? Yes. Yes, I am. The book releases on March 5, 2024 and is available for pre-order now. Aside from being really excited to have written a book, I do think this is a good gift. Just don't like...passive aggressively attack folks with it please. Call them out to their face while you hand it to them.

Do we all have a tech addiction? Yeah. Do we need our phone in the damn shower? No. Do we take it in there anyway to listen to podcasts, books, & music? Yeah. So let's be safe about this and get a phone shower holder.

We love when our kids create but some of these kids are PROLIFIC. The fridge only has so much space. In comes the Li'l Davinci Art cabinet. One frame, tons of price pieces of crayon scribble, finger paint, and "why is everything brown" water colors made by your very own Picasso.

It's dino nuggies in pillow form. That's it. I don't know what else I need to say. If you did not immediately think of someone who would lose their shit if they got dino nuggies in pillow form, I don't know what to tell you. Cuz I can think of at least seventeen folks who just need these. Myself included.

If even one person says that you're not supposed to buy cleaning stuff as gifts, I will burn this place down. Honestly a good, hearty shop vac is at least as good as sex. May I recommend this Ryobi?

They do too want a label maker. Yes, they do. Hell, you want a label maker. Don't lie to a listicle. This is like an easy bake oven but for grown ups. We know it can't actually fix our depression and won't taste anything like brownies but it doesn't matter because we can label shit like a boss now.

Soft, weighted warmth. Personally I carry my stress in my neck and shoulders and this is like a massage only better because no one actually has to touch me. Which might sound weird but if it doesn't you're probably a parent who know what it is to be completely touched out.

Listen, I feel absolutely no shame in how much I enjoy my scrolling ring. I can lay in bed, my phone on the charger, and doom scroll with even LESS effort with this baby. You can even like posts without actually touching your phone. This is self care and you can't change my mind. It comes in different colors too!

Hey, look! This one isn't from Amazon. Weird. Anyway, if you know about geese, you know they aren't silly. They are petty AF. And since...well...same, this hoodie (also available as a crew neck & tee) for those that share our true nature with the Canuckiest birds. I'm not a silly goose. I'm the petty, judgy, will chase you to your car goose. Preach. Slay. Whatever the kids say.


Check out the rest of the gift list that's trying it's best not to suck.



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