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The World's Laziest Clam Chowder Recipe

Momma Cusses Cooks but is really non-specific about it.

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True story: I love to cook. I feel like a mad scientist. Other true story: I hate measuring. So, at some point, after years of practice, I just stopped measuring shit. I don't know if I got good at eyeballing or just reached the point of fuck it. But I cook with my heart. A bit of this, some of that. "That looks right," is often heard from my kitchen. I taste at every possible step but sometimes I just kinda have to follow my gut. I'm not interested in salmonella so I'm not licking a raw chicken boob to make sure I put the right amount of paprika on it.

It's a guessing game. You win tasty food and a lack of headache from fiddling with tiny spoons and spice dust puffs.

Over on TikTok, I posted a video first about self-care via clam chowder. The key take-aways? Gwenna has cool cooking utensils and apparently knows how to make clam chowder. Thus as promised, the "recipe" for my New England Clam Chowder.


  • Red Potatoes (Some - chopped however you prefer. The chunkier the potato the longer they'll need to cook. For my big ol batch, I use about 2.5ish lbs cut about bite size.)

  • Clams (Some - I used 1 can minced and 1 can whole with the juice from both. If you can get your hands on fresh, use those plus clam juice til it feels right.)

  • Corn - 1 can or 1 bag frozen (Plus any other veggies you choose. Onion, garlic cloves, carrots, celery, and cauliflower work well. I made it with and without any of these.)

  • Seasonings (Whichever ones float your boat. I use salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and parsley.)

  • Chicken Stock or Chicken Base or Seafood Stock - Whichever you've got or prefer.

  • Heavy Cream (Some)

  • Instant Potato Flakes (Some)


Cut potatoes till you're pleased, add them to a pot. Add clams, corn, seasoning, and any additional veggies you choose. Cover with your stock or base of choice. Cook until the potatoes are soft. Cooking time will vary depending on how much stuff you have, how chunky you cut it, and your preferred cooking method. Crockpot, stockpot, and InstaPot can handle this. I use a crockpot and with my ingredients, it is normally 6-8 hours on low.

Once everything is cooked and smells chowdery, add heavy cream. How much? Only your heart can tell you when you need to stop. Or if you need to stop. Use the instant potato flakes to thicken it to a chowder consistency. Add these slowly as the thickness will kind of sneak up on you. Get it too thick? No worries. Thin it back down with a bit of milk.

You can turn this into a seafood chowder by just adding more seafood. I like adding cubed tilapia about 5 minutes before I add the cream and potato flake. Use any fish you like although I don't recommend salmon but that's up to you. You can saute some scallops, shrimp, lobster and/or crab and stir it in just before you add the heavy cream.



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